Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
