so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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