She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
