i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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