I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize