She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
