just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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