so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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