They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
