we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize