In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
