There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
