So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
