i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
