U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
