shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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