I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
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soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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