I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
