She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
