The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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