I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
