He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
