dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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