shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
