I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
