i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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