Plan B is the new Plan A
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
