I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
