Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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