and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
