so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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