alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
