is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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