i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
