I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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