When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
