it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Boobs speak an international language.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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