His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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