Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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