it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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