hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
