And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
