its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
