as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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