sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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