Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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