I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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