i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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