i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
