smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
