i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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