I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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