How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
