I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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