Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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